I Need A Baby.

Yes. This is the thought that went through my head numerous times in church today. Of course, there's a great story behind it so here it goes!

Before the start of Sunday School, the teacher was walking around asking if anybody was willing to read quotes she had printed out. I turned to my mom and said, "Just don't make eye contact." The teacher walked by and guess what! We weren't given a quote. Yay!

As the teacher is still preparing before the lesson begins, a woman comes and sits in the seat in front of me. She has a baby in a carrier and places it on the floor next to her chair. The baby girl was adorable. She was sound asleep with her eyelids and fingers twitching every so often.

The teacher starts setting up her microphone and the speakers were turned up waaay too loud. The baby carrier was rather close to the speakers. The baby started stirring but hadn't fully woken up yet. Then the lesson began and the teacher's voice eventually woke the baby up.

Apparently, when babies wake up, they have to be fed. Wanna know how I learned that? This is how. The mother turns around, looks at my mother and I, and says, "Can one of you two read this quote? I have to go feed her and I won't be back in time to read it." Ah, fetch. I take the quote knowing my mother wouldn't read it. I was never so opposed to reading outloud as I was at that point. Mainly because I hadn't been paying attention to the lesson up to that point seeing as my mother had brought M&Ms to church and I was focussed on picking all the blue ones out to eat.

All I kept thinking was, "I need a baby. If I had a baby, I could get out of anything. They eat and cry so much. I need to borrow somebody's baby. Right. Now."

"Who has quote number 2?" says the teacher. I raise my hand. "Do you need the microphone? Somebody get her a microphone, it's better this way." I beg to differ. So I'm given the microphone and, because I'm so close, it starts making this noise that sounds like a spaceship. So I just start talking louder and hold the microphone as far from the speaker as I could. It was a sight to see. The quote paper in one hand and the microphone in the other, nowhere near my mouth. Longest quote ever. Or, at least, it felt like it.

I finish the quote and hand the microphone back to the guy that gave it to me. I was happy to get rid of that. My mom says, "I'm proud of you. You spoke even though you didn't want to." I turn towards her and smile. Then her face goes into this huge smirk. "Ohhh noo," I'm thinking, "What now?" "You're lips and teeth are blue...very blue," she says. Of course they are.

The mother comes back with her baby no more than five minutes after I read that quote. She turns to me and says, "Did you read it yet?" "Yes." "Oh, thank you!" "No problem!"

Lesson learned: Don't eat blue M&Ms in church. Or better yet, pay attention to the lessons! :)