I gave my mom a bit of a heart attack this morning. Not on purpose and it wasn't my fault. Obviously. But, what happened was I woke up at 430am (so really jetlag is to blame here). I got bored, and, once the sun finally started making an appearance, I snuck out the back door on a walk with my dog. It was amazing in case you are wondering. Germany is beautiful. Every inch of it. I think it's great that I'm able to walk out the door and instantly be surrounded by such beauty.
Anyway, I didn't come home until 730ish. My dad let me in the front door since he saw me through the kitchen window. Everything was normal. Then my mom comes running down the stairs. She comes through the kitchen door in something. I say "something" cause I thought she was wearing a swimsuit bottom with a tank top and my dad thought she was wearing work out clothes. Just know that it was interesting. She yells, "Where's Emily?!" I looked at her and said, "I'm here. What are you wearing?" "I have been trying on bathing suits in my room because I thought you locked yourself in the bathroom for all this time. I was getting worried." I just want to point out that I had been on a walk for an hour or so. An hour had passed before she decided to check on me. An hour. Anyway, after it was established that I was safe and not in the bathroom, my mom went and put on real clothes so our day could begin.
Like I said earlier, our walk was amazing. So relaxing and quiet...apart from the peacocks screaming but even that sound gives me warm fuzzies. It was just great. Rocky, the dog, even found a pear on the ground. He brought it all the way home thinking it was a ball. It's still here being dropped at our feet for us to kick to him. He's a cutie.
Last summer, my dad, who knows my love for New York, sent me a song called "A Heart in New York" by Art Garfunkel. I immediately fell in love with this song. It's even playing on repeat as I type in honor of this post.
My favorite part of the song is when it mentions Central Park. Central Park is quite possibly my favorite place in the world. I can't describe the love I have for that place. There's something about sitting on a grassy field with people talking and laughing doing their own thing while being surrounded by skyscrapers all around. It's a place you can escape from the hustle and bustle of the city and just be. It's peaceful. I'm not talking peaceful as in quiet but peaceful as in comforting.
Central Park is somewhere everyone can belong. There's baseball games, frisbee and soccer. There's people out for picnics and friends hanging out on the grass. You see the moms out with their kids in strollers enjoying afternoon walks. You have the joggers and bikers who pass on by the tourists while listening to their music. There's couples enjoying romantic boat rides on the lake and children playing at the water's edge. There's the playground and the zoo. Everything! Even the bum from the subway and the beggar from 42nd Street find a place in Central Park. Nobody is out of place in Central Park. Everyone belongs.
I don't know why I feel so out of place in this world. I don't say this in pitiful or whiney way. I say it as a fact. A truth. I think a lot of kids that grew up with parents in the military can relate. There's not a set place called "home" and, if there is, it's not the same kind of home that everyone else pictures.
Home is the place you can always go back to. It's the place where everyone knows you and you feel welcome. It's the place where your family is. It's where you gather for holidays, birthdays and unbirthdays, too. It's the place that remains constant in your life. You feel at home there. For me, that place is New York...or at least I think it is.
I constantly feel torn between calling Germany my home and calling New York my home. New York is where I had my first steps, my first birthdays, and my first school days. It's the place I learned to be a person. Germany is where I became that person. New York has my childhood but Germany shaped me. New York has my whole family but Germany has my parents. New York has the places I feel comfortable but Germany has the places where I learned life's hardest lessons. I'm thoroughly grateful for the opportunity I have had to live in Germany but I'm not sure I'd call it home even though I've lived a majority of my life there.
I'm always talking about how much I love Germany but I think I say that automatically because I feel like I have to love Germany. It's been "home" for so long. I do love it but I don't think I love it as a home. When I see pictures of New York, I get a gut wrenching feeling of homesickness. I don't get that same feeling when I see pictures of Germany.
I guess I kind of wish that I could have both. Or maybe my home will be where I finally settle down and raise my own kids with my prince charming in our humble abode. Wherever and whenever that may be. Until then, I'll bounce around from home to home visiting those I love and the places I know best.
Now that I've explained my love affair with New York and Germany, listen to this song. It's pretty great.
Happy news! I'm getting out of Idaho a few days earlier than I had planned! 18 days until I begin my journey across the big pond. I couldn't be more excited. Idaho has it's perks, yes, but it doesn't even compare to Europe : )
Yup, it is. I usually don't care much about these types of things, you know, considering I'm not Canadian but I have a Canadian roommate who won't let us forget what day it is. I guess I'll be supportive of it. Canada is probably a nice place. I hope to see it one day during my worldly travels.
It's kind of a lazy day. You can tell by the fact that I'm wearing old jeans and a t-shirt that I usually just sleep in (don't worry, it's clean). My hair is pulled back, which doesn't happen often. I used to tell people that having my hair pulled back was a sign of a rough day. Today isn't a rough day though. It's just a day that I'm not caring much about. It's super hot outside and the heat is draining all energy from my body. Literally. I'm wearing a perfume that reminds me of an old friend. Is that weird? We fell in love with the scent of this perfume and we both bought it. It reminds me of easier days. Days were I felt grown up but really wasn't. You know...those days where you acted like you were an adult but really you relied on your parents and friends more than ever. I miss those days. The days where I felt independent but was actually very much dependent. I like how parents play along in that stage of life though. They let you think you're making your own choices but they were always there to catch you when you fell. They really called all the shots. I miss the safety net.
I don't like being in charge of my life. I don't like having to make hard decisions and being accountable for the outcomes. There's no safety net here.
Amanda and I went to a Taylor Swift concert at the beginning of June. We had been waiting for this concert since last November. You should have seen us when we entered Salt Lake City the morning before the concert and saw all of the semi-trucks with Taylor Swift's face all over them. Our smiles were huge...and so were the screams coming out of our mouths. It was finally happening!
As soon as we entered the Energy Solutions Arena, we went on a hunt for the Taylor Swift shirts. Our lack of preparation for this concert was surprisingly high. We didn't even have a red shirt to wear. But that's okay. We managed to find cute "Red Tour" shirts there. So happy!
We found our seats as Ed Sheeran was opening the concert. He's so amazing. When he finished, Amanda and I tried taking selfies, if you will, of ourselves at the concert. The girls next to us noticed and offered to take the pictures for us. They were so crazy! As we were trying to find a good spot for a picture, one of of them climbs over the seats to stand far enough away to get a good shot. "This is Taylor Swift!" she said, "Anything is possible!" And she was right. Anything was possible.
The second song Taylor (we are on a first name basis now) sang was "Holy Ground" and it was spectacular. Just saying. But, anyway, during the song, I decided I wanted to take a picture with my phone. My phone was in Amanda's bag. I reach down, grab the bag, and start to look for my phone. The amount of stuff that girl can fit into that tiny bag is amazing. Anyway, as I'm pulling out my phone, something else flies out of the bag. I honestly thought it was a twenty dollar bill (or something of equal importance) so I start trying to catch it as it falls down into the people below. Keep in mind it was dark. I turn to tell Amanda about the money I dropped and she has this shocked look on her face. "What? What was that?" I asked. "A pad. We dropped a pad into the audience at a Taylor Swift concert." Well then. That's slightly embarrassing.
"How do we come back from that?" -Amanda
"We don't. Just act normal." -Me
"Normal? I can't believe you." -Amanda
We had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard. If someone were to drop a "sanitary napkin," as the ladies bathrooms call them, into the audience, it would be us...or me, whatever. The people that it dropped onto picked it up and then quickly dropped it to the floor again looking back at us for a brief moment. Sorry guys. Maybe next time we will all be lucky and it will actually be a $20 bill floating from the bag.
"Okay. Why not?" -Me "Really?! Okay. Take these." *hands me binoculars* "You'll look more legit." -Parker "Oh boy." -Me
Two weekends ago, I had the chance to ride down to Provo, Utah with one of my best friends. This trip should have taken four hours...tops. How long did it take us? About twelve hours. This is not because we broke down, ran out of gas, or had to run back for forgotten items. No, there were no legit reasons such as these. It took us this long because we stopped caring about the clock, the destination, and the constant reminders from Amanda letting us know that we were taking forever. Instead, we tossed all of that aside and enjoyed one of the most beautiful parts of Utah I have ever seen.
When we decided to venture out into this "Migratory Bird Refuge" (what?), I had no idea that this detour would be exactly what I needed. Too often I find myself wishing I were elsewhere. I find it hard to see the beauty in this place. I'm used to old churches, giant ice cream cones, cobblestone streets and fairytale castles. What I'm not used to is the endless plains of dirt and sand, crazy winds, and cows floating down the river. I constantly dream of Germany, New York and sometimes even Florida.
On this drive, I looked around and realized there is beauty that can be seen wherever you are. You just have to embrace your surroundings...appreciate them. Sometimes you have to take a time out, open your eyes, and breathe. Be thankful for where you are and be thankful for the people around you. Stop rushing through life anxious to get on to the next part. Enjoy the ride.
And, for the record, I could totally see myself going birdwatching again in the future. It's so peaceful. Okay, that took a great effort to admit. I'm going overboard. Maybe I'll just say I can see myself photographing birds again in the future. Yeah, that sounds more like me.
