Bags of Memories

You know how you always stuff little things into the little pockets of your bags? And you forget to clean them out before you start using a new one? Well, I don't know about you guys but I have that problem. I recently cleaned out all of my bags that I have and, when I say all, I mean all. Keep in mind, I have enough bags to put a small handbag shop to shame. You can only imagine the amount of things I found. Talk about a walk down memory lane. I found my old bus passes from sophomore year and junior year. I found a note from Amanda dated December 17, 2007. Oh, the things we worried about back then, hahaha. I found the clear nail polish that I used to pull out and use during Mr. Paulson's history class because heaven knows if you didn't have something to occupy yourself with, you'd be snoring within fifteen minutes. I found starburst flavors that I'm pretty sure no longer exist and two miniature, blue candy canes. I found earrings that I was given for Christmas one year. They were still in the package. In one bag, I found a pocket that was full of bandaids and I remember exactly why they were there. In another bag, I found the wallet-sized yearbook pictures with little messages on the back from the friends that gave them to me. October of senior year I thought I was dying. No really. Dying. I've never been so sick with the flu in my life. I couldn't even move without hacking up a lung and of course this all happened during senior pictures. Well, anyway, I found my stash of cough drops in the bottom of the bag I used that month. Oh, and a little note that said "Chemists do it periodically." I liked to pass that to Amanda during AP Chemistry. Obviously, I belonged in that class. I found a Snapple lid with my favorite Snapple fact ever. "Elephants are capable of swimming 20 miles per day." Is that not amazing? One of my lovely friends loved to update me on their swim times. I showed them this lid and the reaction was great. I kept the lid. One time, in AP Psychology, Mr. Tarnowski said he would give us extra credit if we could draw all of the wrinkles that were on a lady's face in a movie we were watching. Yeah, I found that little sketch of mine. I also pulled the cutest pens out of one of the bags. You know those miniature RSVP pens? I'm so happy I found those. They all still work, too! Woooot!

I can't remember what else I found doing this but I do know that I ended up making $26. Yeah, and in all ones, too. Student store lunch anyone? You always needed ones on hand for that.

I invite you all to clean out your old bags if you happen to have the same problem I do. I promise it will bring back a memory!

Moving Forward

Let's rewind to the summer of 2009. I was in New York when my friend messaged me on facebook and said, "My mother is annoying me. She keeps telling me to get a start on my college essays. I have six months until they're due. So annoying." Yeah, that would be annoying I thought. My parents weren't pressuring me to start any of mine yet. They knew I would do it in my own time. They didn't need to get on my case about it. I knew what colleges I was going to apply to. I knew I was going to get accepted to my first choice and I knew I would attend the following fall. Plain and simple. Nothing was going to get in my way. 

Then senior year started. I had this thing where I didn't care about much. Maybe I said that wrong. It's not that I didn't care, it's more that I knew things would get done eventually and I didn't stress to finish assignments or study for tests. It was senioritis at its best. I'd rather go out and be with friends than study for that upcoming statistics exam. And, hey, if it was a nice day, why not just skip band & seminar and go into Ramstein Village for the afternoon? Mmm, doner & gelato beats school food any day. 

Needless to say, motivation kind of turned off. I was having a great year and I wasn't too worried about it. I was still getting my A's...that's all that should matter, right? I wrote my college essays last minute and sent in my transcripts only a few days before the deadline. I still wasn't worried. Basketball season was coming up!

It was no secret why the girls wanted to manage the varsity guys' team. Can you say 'Mista Watson'? Because I can tell you the whole cheer team could. "Oh boy I just can't wait for history class..." Ahaha, but no joke, basketball season was too fun. Who wouldn't love getting out of school early for games, hanging out with the guys afterschool, getting free food from the coach...etc. So many good memories but it was just another distraction from what should have been one of the busiest times of the year. Four AP classes and no time for homework? I'm just happy I got through it.

Acceptance letters started arriving in the mail. One after another. Accepted. Accepted. Accepted. Accepted. Accepted. Waitlisted...WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?! Just as a side note, 'heck' was not the word I used at the time. Of course this was my first choice college that I just got waitlisted for. Ew. People sugarcoated it. "They only accept 990 students out of 22,000 applicants." "You got accepted to a lot of great schools! Any of them would be a great choice." All I knew was I wouldn't be going to my dream school. 

I got over it after a while. There was so much to distract me. Everyone was taking advantage of their last few months together. I didn't even think about which college I was going to choose until last minute. If you know me at all, you know that making decisions is my least favorite thing in the world. I wish somebody would just tell me what to do sometimes! Sometimes. Anyway, with some other things going on at the same time I decided to take a year off.

Graduation kind of snuck up on us all. Yeah, everyone was excited for college and talked about it constantly but no one could hide how much we'd miss our friends. Everyone was making plans for last minute trips together to Europa Park, Paris...wherever. I had different plans to make. Where was I going to be after graduation? I had no idea. 

I think I zoned out for most of graduation. Everyone's eyes filled with tears from the speeches being given. I sat there thinking, "All of these people know what they're doing. I messed up!" I walked across the stage receiving my fake diploma and putting on a fake smile for the photographer. If I sound depressed right now..know that I wasn't. I was just scared. Scared out of my mind. 

Graduation night was spent at my best friend's house. A few people were there and there was food. Food is always a plus. When just us two were left, we talked and talked avoiding anything about boyfriends, college, or the future in general. It was basically talking about the goodtimes we've had through high school. It was great. 

Time went on and people started heading back to the States. I went back too only to return to Germany three weeks later. After a few going away parties, everyone was gone. It was so sad! I stopped doing so much of what I used to enjoy. I don't think one flower in my backyard escaped the lens of my camera the spring before. Now there were no new pictures to be found on it. Music? I gave that up entirely. I still can't recall half the fingerings for some notes. My journal that I used to write in everyday slowly came to an end. I knew it was dumb to sit around feeling sorry for myself but I couldn't help but wish to be anywhere but where I was. 

After about a month of this moping around I decided to get a job. And by "decided" I mean forced by the parental unit. I started working at Cinnabon where I met some great people. 

Things started looking up fast. I was starting to like being in Germany. I started going out after work with some friends and even going to church with one of the girls on Sundays. I think that shocked half a population. The same girl had a passion for photography. I watched as she took pictures of everything...people, places, events. It almost motivated me to pick up my camera again. Almost. Her brother had a talent for music. When I say "talent" I mean TALENT. He almost got me into wanting to play again. Almost. Then there was another girl who worked there that would write in her journal on her break. Everrrry time. It was like somebody was screaming at me to be me again.  

But I thought too much about how my life would be different if I was just brave enough to make decisions. I was set on believing that I had made a huge mistake that could never be fixed. All I did was overthink. My brain became my problem and it didn't stop being my problem until last week. 

Last week, I was talking to two of my friends on skype. I forget what we were talking about..just kidding, I know exactly what we were talking about but I'm not going to tell you..ha :) Then all at once it hit me. Life isn't complicated. I'm making it this way. All at once I realized that if I could just let go and stop thinking about the past, I could easily be truly happy and enjoy the present. I have received so many blessings in my life and I just overlooked them because I go straight back to that moment when I decided to stay in Germany. When I look forward from that point, I can see that it wasn't a mistake at all. So much has happened because of that decision, things that changed my life for the better.  All I had to do was let go of the past, learn to enjoy the present, and look forward to the future.

There's so much coming up in the next few weeks. Euro Disney, New York, a new semester at school. It's going to be fun, but, until then, I sit here writing my little heart out, posting pictures of where I've been and being thankful for how great life is! :)